Why, why, why?

rant

2010-07-11T23:16:00.000-07:00

HEY YOU.

Yes you.

I will make you the least of my worries and I won't let you get in the way of happiness.

I will stop worrying about you because I really don't have to worry about you. I wish for our happiness and I really don't care how this ends up. I just want US to be happy without me ever worrying about you, and if he is happy with me, then fine, I will go on with being happy with him. I just don't want to over-think about you because all I let you do is make my heart break and my life miserable and I know it makes him feel bad. So yes, from now on I will choose to just be happy.

HELLO BLOG. I AM ITCHING FOR A NEW TATTOO.

2010-06-28T05:23:00.000-07:00

HAI.

I have been itching for a new tattoo (actually a continuation of my lotus piece). I miss the rush and the pain of getting inked how nice it looks after it heals, plus I have friends who just got inked this month.

I forgot how painful my throat was for the last two weeks. And now I'm craving for pain again.

...IBA NAMAN TO.

Anyhooo. I'm all better now. But since I've been eating sweets (and cake. Lots of cake) lately, my throat is... hurting a bit. I should take it easy.

There, I'm all better now, and more pressured to find a job soon. I'm running out of cash and I wish I bought a new phone with my money. But then again, I wouldn't get to go out if I did that. Oh well. It's done.

If I land this freelance thing tomorrow, I MIGHT GET A NEW TATTOO SOON. I'm not sure. lol

2010-06-26T08:45:00.001-07:00

How exactly do you move on?

strange update

2010-06-15T05:39:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggie. <3

My tonsillectomy went great. Today's my 4th day after the operation and I can say I am recovering quite well. I still feel pain, but really not as much as it hurt during the first couple of days after the operation. I'm doing okay, though I still can't eat much (nor speak nor laugh for that matter), and I'm still not allowed to gag or cough. (Yea. I feel like I'm not human for a week.) I'm on a cold liquid diet (I'm not allowed to eat hot/warm food) for at least 10 days (and it includes ice cream. LOTS OF ICE CREAM.) I'm kinda sick of having just soup, so I'm trying to eat noodles and oatmeal. I think I'm growing a little weak from my diet. But I've lost 5lbs in 4 days. TRUDAT!

Oh, oh, oh. Today is my Nanay(lola)'s birthday. Happy birthday Nanay. I really miss you. I wish you could've been around to see me now. I know I grew up strange, but I think you'll still be proud of me. I love you. <3 (P.S. please keep the mumu away. xD)

She's the one who brought me up. Long story. Ayoko magdrama, sa totoo lang. I've been telling that story over and over, and every time I do, feeling ko may paawa effect. And I really don't like that people think I'm telling that story just because I want to be pitied on. Oh no, I hate being weak in everyone's eyes. I'm too tired of seen as someone who's weak.

ANYHOO. I'm still recovering but I did a photoshoot today. And I have tons of photos to edit starting tomorrow. Tralala. I also wanna go to UST and attend class again. I'm so rusty. I wanna go to school just to do something creative. I MISS SCHOOL.

2010-06-07T00:30:00.000-07:00

I just came back home from an Anvaya weekend with Dad's (high school) friends. Cool bunch of people. I finally met Tito Ipe's daughter, Phoebe. She's the only one my age in the house, and she was pretty cool. Too bad she's leaving for California at the end of the month. The trip was fun. It was drizzling, but I still enjoyed it very much (except for the beach. Water was too... murky.)

I also had my follow up check-up today. My doctor wants to take my tonsils out asap. I'll be admitted at the UST Hospital on Thursday afternoon and she'll take 'em out on Friday afternoon. I'll be staying there 'til Sunday morning. I'm kinda excited.

Guess what, I'M SICK AGAIN

2010-05-31T22:37:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I had my follow-up check-up with my favoritest favorite doctor. (She's all cute and bubbly and hyper. I like herrr. :3) Well, regarding my tonsils, turns out I need another week of antibiotics to clear up the remaining pus in my tonsils. Yuck, I know. How the hell that happened? Weather, pollution, and I don't know. Oh well. We have to take my tonsils out as soon as the infection clears up since it's pretty much recurring. The bacteria and virus could make its way down to my heart. Oh my poor heart, damaged by silly bacteria deciding to attack my tonsils. Really. I google-d everything up, and as my doctor told me, I could develop heart disease. As if random panic attacks and palpitations aren't enough. Really, I'm tired of being sick and unhealthy and weak. WEAK. :| *sigh*

So anyhoo, I'm excited. I wanna get my tonsils out and be better soon. Btw, the operation will be bloody. So I have to be ready for it. No more missing scheduled meds. No sweets for a month. Just water, water, and lots and lots of water. I'll be either at UST Hospital or Medical City (not sure which Medical City) prolly next week. I'll update after my third check-up.

This also means I can't go jobhunting yet. I have to get better before I look for jobs. :( Money.

Hello almost lover,

2010-05-27T05:18:00.000-07:00

There's nothing more left to do

but to trust the unknown.

I am afraid.

I admit that I am incredibly terrified.

But what more can I do?

I have to let go.

I'll stay strong.

But I'm not leaving.

Not an inch. :)

2010-05-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

A year ago, a girl fell in love with a boy.

They met randomly because of a common friend they both invited to a school event. How silly, that two total strangers would invite someone to the same event at almost the same time. The girl saw him for the first time in school and realized they were in a same class.

She didn't know she was falling in love. It was just a silly crush, a silly infatuation, she thought. But then again, she couldn't stop. She was happy with just seeing him around and she entertained herself with just observing him. She was happy.

Her love grew and grew, until she didn't care about what others would think about the idea of her falling in love with him. She didn't care about what they said. She listened to what they had to say about him, but she really didn't care. She just listened because they were her friends. And maybe, she thought, they were right. But then again, she couldn't stop. She was really falling in love with him. And she didn't need any reason and thought that if there were a reason, then it wouldn't be loving at all. She was content with just watching him from afar.

Then they became closer, or at least so she thinks. Troubles arise, but still, her love never really stopped.

Stopping? Well, she did try once. There came someone else. He was younger. In fact, he was even physically closer, living a street away. A minute of walking and they were in front of each other's houses. It started with teasing from people around them. She thought that maybe if she diverted her attention, maybe the feeling she had for the boy she fell in love with would just cease to exist.

A month or so passed. The girl and her neighbor grew closer. Random phone calls in the middle of the night that lasted hours and hours until the sun would rise and silly visits from the boy. She even tried to exert effort with giving the boy a simple gift. But then again, she still thought of the boy she wanted to stop loving. Eventually, she grew tired of this younger boy and she felt silly for even trying to forget about her love.

Well, it's not like the girl and the boy she loved stopped talking. They still talked, but somehow, she felt, not as interestingly as they first did. She was afraid and she felt more stupid for even trying to forget about him and using someone to even forget him.

Of course, he knew she was in love with him. She was silly enough to tell him too early.

Time passed, she was enjoying his company. She started to miss him when she didn't see him around in school. Silly girl.

Silly girl. She tried to confront the boy about her feelings and how he felt for her. She didn't get any straight answer most of the time. She was starting to hurt, but she still didn't mind. She was content with just being around him.

Then they became good friends and soon, the boy told the girl that he loved him. Of course, she didn't take it seriously. She was afraid of the words and if they were even truth or lies. She was suddenly afraid of the words she wished she would hear from him. She was left too hurt and empty from her previous relationship that she was now confused. But she didn't mind it. She just enjoyed his company.

She was happy, but still, tension seemed to find its way in the situation. But she still stayed content. She was happy when she could get to just see him around or hear his voice from afar.

A year after they met, they had their first kiss.

That summer, the girl and the boy, together with their group of friends went somewhere to just have fun. She didn't plan to even come with them mainly because she was afraid to face him. Why? Well, she wasn't really sure about that. She was too in love that she was afraid of him. But still, a friend convinced her to go, and it was worth it. She was with her boy. Her boy, as she thought. She has never felt so happy to be with him like how they were that day. It was one of the days that she will never forget. She was genuinely happy. She was in love.

They were happy together, the boy even went to the girl's house to just hang out. She was happy. But she still thought of things that happened around the boy. She was still worried. She tried to talk to him again, and of course, there were no deal sealed. But still, she thought, they could be happy with how they were.

Semi-boyfriend... That's what she called him.

Then came the skeptical friends. They didn't trust the boy. But the girl, being in love, defended the boy. She took all the blame because he loved the boy so much. She didn't want to stop.

All she ever wanted was for the boy to be okay, be it with or without her.

Tough choice. With or without her.

It was funny how the girl would be able to meet people who knew things about the boy's past. It was the universe's way of telling her the truth she wanted to know so badly. The truth the boy couldn't tell her.

She then had the strength to confront the boy.

He told her that he loved her. She was too in love. She didn't care about anyone else except for the boy.

She was also hurt, but she didn't want to admit that. She wanted to be strong for her love. She didn't want to leave him, well, neither could she.

At this very moment, the girl still loves him very much. And all she asks for is for him to be okay.

The girl just let go of her boy. There was never any deal sealed between them. They just loved each other, or so the girl thinks. But the girl would stick to that belief until the boy would decide who he would choose.

She's hurting, very badly. But maybe this is the right thing to do. She has forgotten about herself, and she knows this would not do any good for her. She loves him very much, and all she wants is for the boy to be happy. Happiness without guilt or any more consequences. Even if he wouldn't choose her, if he were to be happy, then she believes she would be fine.

For now, she can only try to remember every moment they shared, every "I love you" he whispered to her, and just dream of how it would might have been. Hoping for him to choose her would be too far-fetched. What would be a silly year compared to years and years of experience with someone else. Everything just coined up from a silly idea of the universe to bring two strangers together.

I really don't know how to end this. The girl still hopes, but tries not to expect. She can only dream of being with her boy. It seems too impossible now. A dream. She can only smile from the silly idea of being with him. It may never happen again. She's too tired of giving him everything she could, but not get any assurance that he could be hers.

At least she tried.

And maybe, probably, she'd do it all over again.

------

I'm sorry happy blog. I'm a little short of happiness at the moment.

La-di-da productivity

2010-05-13T22:12:00.000-07:00

Hideehooo.

It's so hot today (and for the past few idon'tknowhowlongit'sbeen. I can't seem to get anything done, even the morning jogs I swore to finally do every other day isn't... alsndflkajsdflak.

Ooooh lookit teh pretty night sky in Anvaya Cove.

Anvaya Cove is the <3. I wanna go back there. ONE DAY. I SWEAR I WILL OWN A HOUSE THERE.

Oh shoot, I really need a job. I don't have any moolah to spend for my social needs (i.e. meeting up with friends or eating out or shopping).

What have I been up to lately? Well, I figured I am a major in housekeeping now. Wala kaming maid kaya ako nalang muna. Sana lang kasi sineswelduhan rin ako. IT IS SO NOT FAIR. :| On the brighter side, thank you, friends with cars, for existing. I went to Macci's place yesterday for a photoshoot with Ria (tangkad). Ooooh I had to wear heels just to not feel inferior. Ria, why are you so tall. xD AND DURING THE SHOOT YOU JUST HAD TO WEAR MY SHOES. Wala na, kawawa naman kami ni Macci (sorry Macci. <3)

Hello Ria & Macci.

(Macci aka Reflector Girl. hee. <3)

RIA YOU ARE SO FIERCE.

(This is how she makes love to the camera. lol lol)

2010-05-10T20:10:00.001-07:00

Rain feels like a distant memory.

2010-05-10T01:10:00.001-07:00

I just discovered that two of my three studio lights aren't working. Ffffffffffuuuuuuck. What do I tell my dad? :| I wasn't the one who broke it. I'm not sure who. What do I do? :(

On the brighter side, we went to Anvaya Cove this weekend. <3 heart. I SWEAR. ONE DAY I WILL HAVE A HOUSE THERE.

Wheee short entries. I'm going out again. Shoo me.

2010-04-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

The outing with Adtu was my first outing -- EVER. Salamat sa lahat. I really had fun. <3

Back to Manila, please don't tell me to go back to reality.

O wait. I need to fix my portfolio and resume. Sorry blog.

2010-04-09T01:59:00.001-07:00

If you hold back your feelings because you're afraid of getting hurt,

you end up hurting, anyway.

Because I'm bored

2010-04-02T06:01:00.000-07:00

..and I don't want to write anything about anything right now lol

BOLD WHAT APPLIES.

I avoid some people on purpose
I’ve thought about cheating
I hate the way I look most of the time
I actually like the way I look most of the timeI’ve been swimming in an ocean
I’ve been swimming in a lakeI have a sibling
I have pets
I’ve been on vacation recently
I love meeting new peopleI am insanely shy
I’m on a sports teamI play music
I don’t remember the last time I mailed a letter
I talk on the phone every night
I drink milk almost every dayI’ve kissed someone in a bathroom
I’ve kissed someone in bed
I’ve kissed someone at school
I’ve kissed someone I just met
I’ve kissed a good friendI like to read
I like to watch tv
I could care less about video games
I hate my mom and dadI’ve had a crush on someone for 5+ years
I’ve never asked someone out
I can touch my nose with my tongueI love pizza
I actually love going grocery shoppingI love to travel
I’ve been to another continentI wish I had time to watch more movies
I miss being a little kidI’ve been to a public pool recently
Summer is my favorite time of the yearWinter is my favorite time of the year
I have a favorite holiday
I have a favorite holiday other than Christmas
I’ve been to a concert recently
I drive
I have my own car
My room is almost always messy
I’m listening to music right nowMusic helps me work
The last person I texted was a boy
I want a new phone really badI love cartoons
The last thing I drank was water
I used to play with barbies
I collect something (or used to)
I’ve been to a carnival recently
I know what syncopation is
I need to charge my phoneI have a huge crush on someone right now
I’ve kissed someone within the last 24 hoursI’m in my pajamas
I have to go to school tomorrowI need to clean something
I’ve hurt myself on purpose
I’ve thrown up on purpose
I’ve broken a boneI’ve eaten something weird
I’m an extremely picky eater
I’ve been out to eat recentlyI love going to the mall shopping
I hate big groups
I remember the last party I went to
I’m on the phone right now
I’m watching tv right now
I’m eating right now
People say I’m funnyPeople say I’m pretty
I’ve been told that I have gorgeous eyes
I need new clothes really bad
My hair is up right nowI need to shave my legs
I remember the last time I went to the doctor
I have bracesI actually use my locker at school
I get good grades
I have a MySpaceI have a Facebook
I showered last night
I spy with my little eye something that is green
I spy with my little eye something that is round
I spy with my little eye something that is broken
I’ve had surgerySomeone I know has died
Someone I know has had cancer
It’s past my bedtime
I’ve moved before
I’ve moved 4+ timesI’ve gotten something removed
People tell me that I have good hair
People tell me that they like my clothes
I wish I had some money right now
I have a job
I need a job
I actually got a stupid class ring
I’m listening to someone talking right nowI wish I could talk to the boy I like right now
I’ve kissed someone in front of my parents
I’ve kissed someone on New Year’s
I love Halloween
I remember the last time I tripped
I can see a picture of me from where I’m sitting
I can see my reflection from where I’m sittingI’m kinda scared of the dark
It’s hard to sleep with the door open
It’s hard to sleep without a blanket
It’s morning
I played soccer when I was little
I played basketball when I was littleMy ears are pierced
My belly button is pierced
I plan on going to college I plan on getting married
I plan on having some kids
I babysit
I still get an allowance
I curse a lot
I got so drunk last night
I’ve been to a wedding recentlyI’ve met someone special on vacation
I have an accent
I’m completely white
I know someone who has been home-schooledI know someone in a band
I can sing really well
I can dance really well I’ve never slow danced with anyone
I suck at spelling
I suck at math
I recycle
I am pro-choice
I know some rednecksI want to get a tattoo
I want to get a new piercing
I hate MTV and VH1
I miss an ex
I still love an ex
I’ve slapped someone
I’ve punched someoneI’ve been told that I have a nice butt
I think my boobs are too small I wish I could lose some weight
I can play the guitar
I can speak another language
I am fluent in another language
I can play the piano
I’ve been told that I can’t dance
I’m a cheerleaderI have a sweet tattoo
I have a sweet facial piercingI need to practice something
I want to go to Mexico
I want to go to Canada
I’ve traveled across the country
I live on the east coast
I went to the beach last summer
I remember the last time I was insanely sunburnedI like to waste time
I like to sleepI think I’m going to get asked out soon
I keep a journal
I don’t remember the last dream I had
My first kiss kinda sucked
I think smoking cigarettes is gross
I’m wearing something that belongs to someone elseMy mom fixed the last meal I had
I’ve never gotten my nails done
I should be doing homework right now
I’m adoptedI love sappy movies
I love horror moviesI love musicals
I’ve seen a broadway show
The last person I hugged was my mom/dad
All of my grandparents are aliveI miss my boyfriend (/someone I really like)
I haven’t talked to my best friend all dayPeople tell me that I’m short
Sometimes my socks don’t matchI can’t wait till my birthday
I’m a procrastinatorI’m not like everyone else
I like strawberries
I like thunderstorms
Someone’s mad at me right nowI hate when people are rude
I’m an optimist My first relationship ended badly
I love when boys hold doors open
I’ve kissed 2+ people in one dayI’ve had a boy sleep over at my house
I bite my nails
I’ve been caught doing drugs
I’ve been caught cheatingI haven’t been to Disneyland/Disneyworld
I’ve passed out from drinkingI get angry easily
I’m laid backI hate most girls
I love getting new shoes
I hate Chinese foodI don’t remember the last time I was grounded
I’ve been in love before
I’ve been cheated on
There are certain songs that remind me of my exI gave someone their first kiss
I straighten my hair more often than i should
I’ve been to a funeral this year
I am insanely hungry right nowI liked this survey a lot
I should probably do something productive now

tadaaaaaa.

2010-03-29T05:42:00.003-07:00

Hellooooo blog update!

There's really nothing to write about. Except that I've officially graduated aaaaand I don't think it's such a big deal concerning my emotions. I feel that I'm still going to see everyone every now and then. No need to fuzz or cry about it. And the fact that I am officially a creative bum (yes, even my creativity is bumming around right now), isn't sinking in much. I am doing an animation thingy for Kim, my childhood best friend (which I am definitely too lazy to do atm. I'm playing Bejeweled 2 for at least half the day already lol) and it's Holy Week. And the fact that there's nothing exciting in my life (at the moment and/or in the past) gives me absolutely nothing to write about.

I am living an awfully average life with extra boringness. The only exciting thing happening, if you could consider it exciting, are my weekly trips to the doctor. I had a Chest Xray done a couple of weeks ago, together with an ECG, 2D heart echo, doppler and color flow analysis for my heart and thyroid blood tests (because it runs in the family). I hated the heart tests because it really did make me feel very violated. (My poor bowbs got squished by the thingyyyy ;A; TMI.) But turns out every thing's perfectly fine, and it's all in my head. Must be going mad.

What are my plans this summer? Vacation. I wanna go to the beach. And to places where I can take pretty pictures. I need a job too. Goodbye allowance. Checked my wallet and I have absolutely nothing. Just a few coins and a few bills, and after I spend it, I'm below the poverty line. At least I can get to learn how to drive next week (hopefully.) I'm also trying to stay away from the internet as much as I can for a week or two. But here I am, playing bejeweled 2, chatting with a few friends, my YM in invi, my facebook open, my plurk open (and I'm not plurking anything) and I'm still not doing Kim's animation. Great. Gotta get the last one done asap.

Oh oh, grad party on Easter Sunday. If you can go, please come over. :3

2010-03-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

I feel so left out. I want to cry. I need to let this out but I can't seem to find the... tears to.. cry it all out.

Maybe I'm just tired. But how could I be tired? I've been stuck at home doing nothing for the past few days. And when I do go out, I go out with friends.

Oh right. That's it. I'm tired of seeing the same scenario over and over and over again. It really isn't their fault. It's me. I'm too bitter about a few things that I hurt myself when I see it happening in front of me.

I need to cry this out. It's too frustrating.

Sorry happy blog. I just need to let this out.

2010-03-07T05:31:00.000-08:00

I was watching the Bucket List this afternoon, but I only got to see the later part. I haven't watched the whole movie, but it made me cry again. Weird, I always start from the part when they were in Egypt. The part when the story of how you can go to heaven according to the Egyptians. They said the gods will ask you two things:

Have you found joy in your life?

Have you brought joy to others?

So, I was thinking about life. Pag si Ben Reyna kasi ang kausap mo, ang sarap pagusapan ang buhay at kung ano anong pilosopikal. Naisip ko lang na kahit gano mo kagusto na mapasaya ang isang tao, hindi rin siya magiging masaya hanggat hindi ka niya hinahayaan na pasayahin siya. At para mangyari yun, kailangan niya buksan sarili niya para sayo. Ang tanong, kaya mo ba na magtiyaga? Mahirap diba. Tao lang tayo at mapapagod rin. Pero wag mo isasara ang sarili mo sa mga posibilidad. Anything can happen at any given time or opportunity. Ang kailangan mo lang gawin ay ang maghintay. At ibig rin nun sabihin, wag kang maging one time big time. Magbigay ka pero paunti unti, para hindi ka rin mapagod, para pag kailangan ka na talaga nung taong yun, may kaya ka pang ibigay, at sa oras na mangyari yun, may matatanggap ka rin na kaligayahan. :)

Naisip ko lang din na sa totoong buhay, konti lang talaga ang tunay na kaibigan. Sabi nga nila ang hirap nang magtiwala. Pero dapat ka bang wag nang magtiwala? Hindi. Kasi baka ikaw pa yung maging blessing sa tao na yun para magsimula sila na magtiwala rin sa iba.

At isa pa pala, pag naisip mo na mahirap ang isang bagay, dun ka na titigil na gumawa ng paraan. Kaya wag mong iisipin na mahirap ang buhay. Kasi titilig ka talaga.

(Ayihee, si ben happy sa lablayp. Ayihee. xD)

Tomorrow's my official last day in school. But I'll be going to school (or somewhere else) for the sake of moolah. (Dad, sorry. Huling allowance ko na to e lawl.) Soooo.. Who wants to go out this week? Monday, I'll be spending time with Nica-Bi till evening. Tuesday, I'll go visit Ma'am Nady then movie with Bijo and Rani (who else wants to come? :3), Wednesday, I have a pending get together with highschool friends. Thursday, I'll prolly drink with Kim and Kitt, and Friday, I think Kim and I are going out. Wednesday's still not sure. Anyoooone? It's dad's birthday on the 15th, so baka may inuman rin. Hahahay.

I forgot, I have an appointment with our doctor on Saturday concerning my ECG and xray results. (Saturday rin yung party ni dad. :3)

Helloooo summerrrrr. I want to go to the beach. Someone take me to the beeeach :(

2010-03-03T04:58:00.000-08:00

I just came home from a random day with Kim and Kitt. It was fun. Awesome.

Kim and Kitt kidnapped me from UST
Headed to SM North Edsa
Early dinner at Amici
Kitt: "Baby do you want some ice?" Kim: "Sure babe." Kitt: *gets ice from freezer* Me: "Dun dun dududun dun dun dun." Kim: "ICE ICE BABY! Dun dun dududun dun dun dun~"
Evil plannnnnnnsssss
Walked around a bit at the Sky Garden
Desert at.. What's that gelato shop again? XD Art..what? Lame. XD
LOL'd at Kitt and Kim. Fun.
TMI.
TMI.
TMI.
LOL some more
Got a (potential) job from Kim. Payment = TATTOO <3
LOL'd more
Kim bought me mini cupcakes from Blushing Cupcakes
Saw Rosette before heading home
Kim and Kitt dropped me home

E kasi. Sa totoo lang, yung in betweens di ko na maalala. Pano ba kasi, tawa nalang ako ng tawa.

I don't remember the last time I had fun. Thanks Kimibabe and Kitt. I <3 you very much. :3

2010-02-27T23:52:00.000-08:00

Ohai girlcrush-sama~. <3

Why are you so prettyyyyyy.

I miss you, I really do.

Inom tayo pag gumaling na akoooo. \o/

2010-02-26T20:27:00.001-08:00

I'm having my ECG on tuesday.

2010-02-25T08:38:00.000-08:00

So do I ever regret that I met you? That I've fallen for you? That I told you how I felt about you? Absolutely not. (somehow) Having you (around) is the best part of my senior year.

What I regret? Not being able to tell you everything properly. I was too scared.

~

Next week is final week. I'm finishing up my compo plate to pass it tomorrow afternoon. And I have to do my ESTH hw too. Meh. I'm too tired.

I think I get why I'm getting anxiety attacks so often. A year of stress from my thesis + other things.

Di ko naman kasi talaga inaamin na nasstress na ako. Anong ginawa ko? Nilabanan ko. Gumawa ng gumawa. Nagtrabaho ng nagtrabaho at kinalimutan na ang pahinga at tulog. Magaling. Palakpakan. Kaya ito.

Meh.

I will be honest.
I break down very often. I just did a few minutes ago. Broke down. Cried and cried.

Ang hirap. Ngayon lang nagssink in yung stress ng thesis.

Mamamatay na kaya ako? Hahahaha.

So do I ever regret that I met you? That I've fallen for you? That I told you how I felt about you? Absolutely not. (somehow) Having you (around) is the best part of my senior year.

What I regret? Not being able to tell you everything properly. I was too scared.

Heart.

2010-02-23T07:06:00.000-08:00

I thought you had better things to do. Turns out you don't. Well, go figure why I had it tattooed on my wrist, dear.

It's because I have my own life. I have my own dreams. I know exactly who I am. And you know what, I don't need people like you to tell me what I was and what I am right now. See. I'm even giving you so much credit by blogging about the likes of you. I'm already having a bit of trouble with what I'm having right now and whatever is wrong with my body. So don't you go messing around with me.

2010-02-17T08:09:00.001-08:00

Thesis defense done. <3

I have nothing else to say.

<3

Sleep, i missed you~

2010-02-10T05:55:00.001-08:00

I need a good cry. Impending sense of doom.

2010-02-03T01:39:00.000-08:00

Good news! My dad's back home from the hospital today. The block in his heart isn't too serious and the treatment will be via medication. No more test. :)

Bad news? I had my worst panic attack last night. My heart was beating way too fast and it was the most frightening experience. I swear, I really thought I was going to die. I lied on my back and I don't know, somehow I managed to fight it. My mom had to rush back home for me. I tried to rest early, but I didn't get to actually sleep until 6am. I had minor hits during the night too. And now, I still feel weak and I can't move much. I can't work on my thesis. I really need rest. And I hate having to hear my heart beat before I sleep. Somehow, it hits me again. Mild hits, though. But I am scarred for life. I don't want to be left alone now. I'm just too scared.

I'm going to stop drinking coffee for a while.

2010-01-30T08:11:00.001-08:00

I wish I could make you feel better.

2010-01-26T09:29:00.001-08:00

2010-01-23T21:11:00.001-08:00

2010-01-23T00:53:00.001-08:00

Random.

2010-01-22T23:27:00.001-08:00

Please make the rainclouds go away..

2009-12-31T12:16:00.000-08:00

Happy new year to everyone I love and who I need in my life. Thank you for being around my silly life. I know I'll never be me without you around. I also think my life would be plain boring without your awesomeness. I want to make things better for you guys. <3>

P.S.

CAN WE ALL GET TATTOOS. lol

2009-12-24T10:59:00.001-08:00

Christmas reminds me of sweet love and all. And it makes me feel so lonely. But I'm trying to not think about it too much because I know I have the best people I have ever known in my whole life.

Thank you, guys. For being part of my life. It makes me feel so blessed that I have you around me. And you guys replace any awesome worldly gift I can ever find beneath my Christmas tree. I love you. Each and every one of you.

And to you, love. I am falling more and more with every conversation we have. But I've been thinking. Maybe it's better we stay friends.
Because I don't want to lose you forever in exchange for my selfishness. (And I guess we'll never be more than this. ) But I think I may be falling in love. And I'm very afraid. I'm not really sure, but I'd like you to stick around, please?

2009-12-24T08:50:00.000-08:00

Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand.

Have a blessed Merry Christmas to everyone. :3

I'm sorry I don't (/never) post anything decent. My head's too full with the whole world right now. And I don't wish to ruin my Christmas. Hawhaw.

MERRY CHRISTMAS <3

2009-12-23T08:04:00.000-08:00

Found it at Tumblr.

Tumblr. You make me feel like I'm in love.

YES

2009-12-04T07:51:00.000-08:00

I got to pass my Media Plan today and got my adviser's notes. REVISIONS! And I should also do my book layout and ad studies.

I want a Christmas break.

And a Happy Christmas. * 3*

And a Happy New Year.

I STILL WANT A VACATION!

2009-12-03T03:27:00.000-08:00

Hello Blog.

I have deadlines tomorrow and I'm in no mood for work. Well, I did get to start my book layout, but stopped at the table of contents page. Great. I'm really lazy to do anything right now. At least I finished my Media Plan time table, but I haven't finished my costing calculations because I don't know how much I'll be needing for my other print ads. (YES. PARANG TUNAY KONG PERA HAHAHAHA)

I still need to do so much, but really. I want to take a break and go somewhere. I need a break.

If there's one thing I've accomplished so far, (kung accomplishment man to), is deciding to just enjoy everything and be happy. (naks) Because I think life would be more exciting to live if you didn't know how everything would work out in the end AND I will stop thinking about things too much. ♡♡♡

Bored.

2009-11-26T20:54:00.000-08:00

Yes. I AM bored. I'm supposed to be out (shooting for my thesis), but I think I should rest today. (BUT I did text Tatay Nero in case I change my mind so I could go stay at his shop.) Anyhoo. Mom isn't home yet. And thankfully the internet is here to save me. YAY! God bless the internet! And I found this. And I think it's really, really, reaaaaally cute <3

Date Ideas:

1. Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence

2. Go to a major chain bookstore, and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books

3. Have her dress up as a ghost and you dress uup us Pacman. Walk around downtown holding hands, and whenever anyone sees you two, pretend to be embarrassed, and run off screaming “wocka wocka wocka.”

4. Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen

5. Dress up as superherous and stop at least one petty crime “ie. jaywalking, littering….”

6. Build forts out of furniture and blankets, and wage war with paper airplanes.

7. Try and visit as many people as you can in one night, and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can, without them noticing.

8. Go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.

aww. <3

2009-11-21T17:49:00.000-08:00

Hello blog. Meet my new tattoo.

I had it done five days ago by Myke Sambajon at P&P Tattoos.

(Thank you, Tito Bobby! ♥)

Myke was really nice. I'll be heading back there again this week.

Anyhoo. My previous weeks of school was not productive (even a bit!)

And I bum when I'm home.

(Because I have been reacquainted with the TV. Helloooo NatGeo!)

Okay. I have to go and force myself to work.

✄---------------------------------------------------------------------

2009-10-29T04:51:00.000-07:00

Hello blog.

I haven't posted anything decent. I'm just too busy to do anything I want right now. It sucks and it's awfully very frustrating. I'm beginning to feel the weight of how tiring the last semester was, and this sembreak is soooo not enough for thesis work and rest.

Monday this week, I went to hunt for cloth to use as my background for my humble "studio" (which is really half of our living room. Sorry dad. I have to.) Luckily, Ate Letty (our helper) knows where to buy what I need. Lucky us, we bought what I needed at Tandang Sora and at SM. I was too lazy and tired to go to Divisoria. I got Ria (Caringal) to come over for a practice shoot in the afternoon. Really tiring but fun. I love my lights.

Tuesday, I met up with Maiah and Mara (Hererra) at Trinoma for lunch. Mara's also my model for my thesis. I love her tattoos.( I LOVE HER. She's my role model hahahahaha! :"3) Then the U.B.E. session over vodka. Ooooh The Bar apple vodka. I am in love with yooooou. <3

Wednesday, I went out with Nica, Jompy, Macci, Luwii, Pabs and Joms. Met up at Circle C with Luwii before going to Trinoma to meet up with the others. Bombee and Jihan had to meet up with Amang Vitug, ayan tuloy di nakasama sa Mister Kabab. :( After dinner, we went to Joms' place. Macci needed to borrow Joms' Photoshop installer. Fail. Macci uses Mac and Joms uses Windows. XD ANG CUTE NI BRUCE! We went to my place after our short tambay. Ang cute din ng house ni Joms. XD

Thursday, tambay day with Ja and Mark. Ria went too. Photoshoot! (And excessive PDA care of Mark and Ja.) Photoshoot = Prenup. LOL

Hello sembreak. I have so much to do. And I'm tired. :(

2009-10-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

A week more then the semester's done. (and I pray to God that all my grades will be.. well.)

Hello thesis. I'll deal with you this sembreak. I need to go back to Las Piñas and shoot Joseph Sinio at work. Then I have to go see sir Myke and his team at P & P Tattoos, Makati. And of course, I have to go to Miah's shop over at Katipunan. (Miah, please reply to my messages. ;_;) And Tatay Nero. I'll be over at his shop more often. (and hope to start apprenticeship soon.)

Who wants to go with me when I go visit shops? :3 pleeease? :3

When you're no longer a virgin.

2009-10-08T00:22:00.000-07:00

Hello Blog. I got inked yesterday.

Oh skin. My beloved skin. You are no longer a virgin. And you look prettier than ever. Please don't be addicted to the sensation of being inked. We will get more soon, I promise. But not too soon. We don't want to lose precious ink space for new art. We'll get inked as soon as I graduate. We'll go back to Tatay Nero and get inked again. I PROMISE <3

2009-09-30T04:23:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello. Is anyone home?

Sorry. I'm really lazy to update, as you can see. Lotsa happened.

Ondoy. Oh. I'm praying and hoping for the best to come to everyone who encountered Ondoy's fierceness this week. It's just terrible. And to my friends, I'm really, really happy that you're safe. Haven't heard from Rex yet. I hope he's fine. And Nica Silva! I hope you're okay. :(

On the lighter note, I'm just too happy with everything that has happened to me. Thank you, thank you!

Oh. And mother dear is staying at my Ninang Noemi's place. Australia. Vacation. I know she's having fun, and.. I WANT TO BE THERE TOOOOOOOOOOO!!! sob. D:

Happiness.

2009-09-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

Happiness..

Only real when shared. ♡

2009-09-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

Hello Blog. I missed you.

I haven't posted anything for a long time. I'm sorry. I really don't know what to put here. And I'm certainly not in the mood to write anything. Except for one thing. And that one thing, I'm certain that I can't tell anyone about it.

I shall think about what I should post. But this is all for now.

Hahaha! Kaloka. Basta. Masaya ako. Mas masaya kesa nung summer. At kahit na malabo pa to, masaya talaga kami. Ata. LOOOL.

2009-08-28T08:11:00.000-07:00

I planned to get my tattoo done today.

But my plans don't work out most of the time.

Turns out my design looks like a logo for a Chinese restaurant. Great. I'm revising it though. But I want it done ASAP. Before my birthday. Sigh. I only have half of the amount in my hands right now. P500 will be sponsored by a friend. so.. P1,500 to go. Let's do this, baby. I have a week to save up that amount. Of course, I'm open to donations. Any amount will do. HAHAHAHA.

Sorry. Adik lang. Kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kating kati na ko. Gusto ko na magpa-tattoo. Grabe na to. Malapit ko nang sugatan sarili ko at buhusan ng tinta. HAHAHAHA.

Cheers.

2009-08-26T20:42:00.001-07:00

birthday's coming up!

I would love you forever if you gave me one of these:

Guitar Hero World Tour set.

Guitar Hero 5

External HDD, 500GB

Bananalicious Pie from Conti's

Dutdutan Pass (before my birthday pleeease)

Black eye liner pencil or stick

A new iPod or Philips GoGear

OR, donate any amount of money for my tattoo, please? XD

2009-08-26T19:27:00.000-07:00

Hello blog. I just came home from our retreat. It was fun! But I'm too lazy to write about it.

Basta. I feel so blessed right now that I have finally closed some shitty parts of my life. :)

Friends, (ad1 and new friends and loves) thank you.:)

I'm going to weigh in today. Parang tumaba nanaman ako sa retreat na yun.

Day 1

early lunch at Jollibee

arrival at caleruega, orientation

SIESTA

konting session

MIRIENDA

konting session

DINNER

konting session

TULOG

Day 2

BREAKFAST

konting session

MIRIENDA

konting session

LUNCH

SIESTA

konting session

MIRIENDA

konting session

DINNER

konting session

TULOG

Day 3

BREAKFAST

session

mass

LUNCH

uwi <3

See. KAIN-TULOG-KAIN-TULOG. Buhay baboy. Pero ang sarap dun, grabe. I wanna go back. :(

I met a lot of new people during the retreat. Father Stephen had his version of the Monk's meal. Pero naging getting to know you session yun.

Oh, oh, oh. Everything I need to know in life, I learned in Kindergarten!

FRIENDS, I MISS YOU.

Santorini? :3

ALL HAIL INK

2009-08-10T04:17:00.000-07:00

Went out today for my thesis interviews.

My mother went with me. But before my thesis errands, Mom and I went to Stella Maris to visit her teacher, Sister Anne. She's 70something, but she has something in her that makes me so fond of her. She's like an excited kid when she talks about stuff. And she's really kind. It was nice to meet her. *u*

Well, after that, we were off to Katipunan. Ate lunch first at Flaming wings. Too full to have their wicked oreos for dessert. We went to Sin City Tattoos after eating. Miah was alone in the shop. No Joey P and no Totoy around. There were UP kids there too. Guessing they're freshies or sophs. Well, anyway, I got to interview Miah. Joey called up and told Miah that he wasn't going to make it in today. His.. son(?) had an accident. Pricked his eye. :( (I hope it isn't anything serious..) Miah told me to email the questions to him and he'll have Joey and Totoy answer 'em for me. MIAH I LOVE YOU (but I do not love you. LOL)

After our business in Katips, Mom and I went to Cubao. Parked at Araneta and went to Tatay Nero's shop. He was so amazing. A true artist. He tattoos because he loves art and he sees tattoos as an art form more precious than the paintings we can hang on our walls. He let me interview him, but he kinda gave me a test before he approved of my request that he'd be in my book. Well, I answered him correctly (and I didn't even get to finish my answer). I feel so.. special today. XD Like everything that's happening is really meant for me. XD PLUS *I think* Mom approved of the idea of me wanting to get a tattoo (and I think she wants one, too.)

Wheeeee. <3

Jay Tablante WORSHIP

2009-08-09T07:39:00.000-07:00

Friday afternoon.

Went to Makati with Bing, Nica S. and Dino to meet up with Jay Tablante. It was also Mia's birthday ( cheers! ), so Bing and Nica S. went to her small gathering at Balay before we left. Dino and I stayed in the Library to waste time. Left at around 3:30pm.

Adventure.

We didn't know where the place was exactly. We only knew that it was along Pasong Tamo, beside a UCPB bank, and in front of PDIC. Soooo. When we reached Pasong Tamo, I saw a UCPB branch. We left the cab, then saw that it wasn't THE UCPB branch we were to look out for. So we walked for about... I don't know how many blocks that were. Prolly 4-6 blocks. I'm not sure. I forgot that it was near Don Bosco. We got there at 5pm, photo finish, before Jay Tablante. PLUS, I sprained my left ankle. Dalawang beses kasing nahulog sa taenang lubak na yan. Ang landi kasi ng sapatos ko diba.

Sir Jay didn't arrive for the next hour. Guess he got stuck in traffic. When he arrived, he immediately set up and told us to come inside the studio. THE INTERVIEW WAS MORE THAN TERRIFIC. It wasn't formal. In fact, he was even drinking beer, for Pete's sake. And his words were magical. Naks. Biased. What he said was very helpful. And I felt really, really inspired after the shoot.

I think I would like to train under his guidance after graduation.

NAKS.

Anyway, after that, we headed to Glorietta to grab something to eat. Nainggit kami sa pizza nung shoot. We wanted to have pizza, but ended up eating at BK because it was getting late. Galit-galit lang habang kumakain. HAHAHA.

Then we went home. Round trip. Makati-Taft-Trinoma. Wheeeeee~ <3

2009-08-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

I'm zoooo egzitid.

I'm going to meet up with Mr. Jay Tablante later this afternoon for an interview session for my thesis. Joy. :3 I have to go to school first till 2. And I'm still hoping for class suspension lol.

Will update prolly later tonight.. or tomorrow. Bahala na. hahaha

2009-08-01T10:26:00.001-07:00

$4415.00

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Sites

Okay. Kahit gano ako sakitin, MAHAL PARIN KATAWAN KO HAHAHAHA.

Labo. XD

Must post something better soon.

My heart whispers again.

2009-07-29T04:53:00.001-07:00

CHENES.

I experienced heart murmurs again this afternoon when I went down from the car to enter the BDO across St. Paul University QC. I really hate that feeling.

Anyway. Mom and I went to CCP this morning to view the exhibit by the 13 Young Artists for my Esthetics/Aesthetics class. I enjoyed it very much, really. (I wanted to take home a plastic black mouse from bVen's installation art. hee hee hee) Really. GO THERE. <3

Anyway, after that, mom and I went to SM Mall of Asia for lunch. We have been craving for an El Pollo Loco for the longest time. The only El Pollo Loco branches that I know of are in SMmoa and SM megamall. The one in SM North's gone. Gaaaah. Bring it baaaack. ;_;

Also got my kitten from Billie Jean. Met up with (or drove to) her at SM Sta. Mesa. Wheeeee~ <3>

Heart, please stops murmuring. Beat normally again. I know I'm just too stressed up and tired lately. But pleeeease. T_T

2009-07-27T10:42:00.001-07:00

You know what. I should be sleeping right now. I have a 7am class later (but my professor comes at around 8am), a few unfinished plates and some unprinted documents. Guess what I'm doing right now. I'm in the LivingSocial app on Facebook doing the pick your five. *closes Facebook tab on Safari*

I should start fixing myself up to the way I was before. Seriously. This cannot go on.

Oh, by the way. Jihan was here this afternoon. We were supposed to work, but ended up talking instead of working. We still worked, but we really didn't finish anything. Oh well. I still have an unfinished TXD plate, a non-existent VMA plate, unprinted documents for thesis, and I lack sleep. Greaaat. The good side? Bibi made me my very own emoticon.

{,(O*o*O),}

ANG CUTE DIBAAAAAAA. <3

Anyway. I should be off to bed now. Time check, 1:47am. Must wake up at 4:30 (because it takes me about an hour to get ready, and half an hour to eat. AND I HAVEN'T FIXED MY THINGS JUST YET.)

/fail.

I need to fix my life. Wag na dapat tamarin. Kung kelan huling taon na (hopefully), dun pa tinatamad.

AUSFALLEN

2009-07-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm losing hope in myself.

Nothing right now is summing up the right way.

Goodluck. I wish I get my confidence back soon.

Goodnight too. I have to wake up early to text Ma'am Nady to inform her about me disturbing her class to get my survey questions and pass my revised chapter 1 and letter draft.

God. Help me. >_<

WEIRD AND WONDERFUL

2009-07-22T05:14:00.000-07:00

Hello, blog. How are you? I'm sorry I haven't written anything great about my life, because really, nothing great is happening.

I've gotten busier and busier by the day. And my mood isn't helping. Come on. I need a little push here. Someone, please, inspire me. I've been so idle and lazy and I don't seem to let out the motivation I once had for school. Come on, it's my final year (hopefully) in school, and what, this is my laziest times ever. I just want to sleep. And rest. And go out. HAVE FUN. I haven't had much fun lately. I'm also sad most of the time. Come oooon. I HAVE TO STOP THIIIIS >_<

I'm just way too distracted. And I'm too disoriented. For the past few days, (if anyone has even noticed) I've been to shaky and nervous and jumpy. What is so wrong with meeeee. D:

Anyway. I've been hooked up with fortune telling.

I. am. officially. weird.

Weird and Wonderful. That's it. Optimism come to meeeeeeee.

Weird and Wonderful.

I must get back to my Thesis writing.

Weird and Wonderful.

2009-07-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

Say it if you mean it.

If you don't,

Don't say it.

If you don't say nothing at all,

you'll make this heart break.

Say it if you mean it. If you don't, don't say it.

I let my guard down for you.

WHAT.

2009-07-06T09:48:00.000-07:00

What was I thinking?

No. I do not want to go back with you.

And yes, I do remember how lame you were. That you never even took me out for a date. Kung date yung sinamahan kita sa UST, hindi parin. Bahala ka.

Jihan. I promise. I won't.

God. Desperation kicking in. No. Please. No.

TINATAMAD AKO.

2009-07-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

This can't be happening. Seriously. TINATAMAD NA AKO. >_<

Hi. I'm reg.

If you've known me for the past 3 years, at least, you would definitely know that I'm not THAT lazy. I'm DEFINITELY not THIS lazy. But alas, I am lazy now. I have lots due this week. There's my TXD waiting for me to finish it (I have only finished one box out of six.) And there's the VMA plate I have to do with Khan (and I told him that we'd do it on Tuesday instead of tomorrow.) Ohai thar Thesis. I almost forgot about you. You've been staring and waiting since Friday.

I can not believe that I doing this to myself.

Sure, I can be lazy at times. But not this lazy that I'm even blogging about it and planning to go to bed after this update. Great. Maybe because I miss my friends. Billie Jean, Aizel, Colleen, they've always been around and we always help each other out. Well, I'm always around Billie Jean and we're the helping buddies. And Oomph buddies (with Paul.)

BOO. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MEEEEEEEE.

...

Gusto ko nalang manghula ng manghula. I guess I'll take a peak at my reading before I go to bed. I feel so restless about someone.

Oh God.

FOUR YEARS. It's been four years already. I thought I forgot about you. You and your silly self. How you made me happy. How we were like together. How we were against the world.

Remember how I almost lost my best friend because she were jealous of you and because that b*tch fed her mind with silly stories that I was never going to talk to her because I had you. How we tried to gain her back.

Remember how you improved that school year when we were together. Where you realized you really did love math. How you loved to show off in front of our Physics teacher, Ms. Carbonera.

God. Why am I remembering everything all of the sudden.

And it feels different to remember them.

I guess I still do have feelings for you now. Too bad it's all too late. I don't know if I should even try to regain our friendship. You WERE my first. Boyfriend. Guy best friend. The first one I cried my heart out for.

I kinda hated it when you showed up in the cards. I didn't know it was you. Bing said "may isa pa na malapit sayo na lamang sa kaputian kesa dun sa isa." And when I got home and got online, you buzzed me in my YM and asked how I was. COINCIDENCE? I do not know. But you were there. We were talking. And what, you were insisting to know if I had a boyfriend right now. If I liked someone right now. Why I don't have a boyfriend right now. Why I broke up with my ex. I guess it's just like you to ask stuff like that. I don't know. Last time I saw you, it was the battle of the bands in our high school. You watched. You went there. Why? To see me?

Goodness gracious.

I don't even understand why I'm trying to analyze everything now.

WHY I'M EVEN LETTING YOU AND MY MEMORIES OF YOU INVADE MY BLOG.

Help.

Today's update.

2009-06-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

Hello world. Hello blog. It's been a while.

I really shouldn't be blogging right now because I have tons of stuff to do. My compo painting, thesis survey questionnaire and interview questions, plus I have to study for PGC. Naman o. Paimportante pa tong PGC na to. >_<

Anyhoo~ Although I've been pretty much.. well, really busy lately, I'm enjoying at least half of what I'm doing. Except for PGC. lols~ I'm enjoying TXD because I enjoying making pretty patterns (HAHAHAHA). And yes. I do enjoy doing my thesis. :3 But I still need someone to teach me stuff about studio photography and lighting. And people with tattoos that have great stories behind them, please message me up!

Sigh. School's been fun and all, but I'm sick again. :| Come on. It hasn't been a month since I was last sick, and I'm sick again.

2009-06-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

I miss my old friends.

I miss being in the same class with them.

I miss Bijo. The intellectual conversations. The accurate feelings for what's bound to happen. The random Oomph conversations.

I miss Col. I miss how silly she is. How forgetful she is. How I always remind her to do what she has to. And in turn, for her to remind me what I should do. :( I miss how she forgets that I'm not Chinese and I do not understand any Chinese.

I miss Rani. The quietness around her. How shocking it was to know that she was lazy last sem.

I miss Esdi. How loud her voice can get. How she would suddenly sing. How she would be like an annoying big sister who cares for you so much.

I miss Eunice. How she bullies me. How I bully her. How she'd bring tea everytime she had her period. How she always draws pretty drawings.

I miss Stephen and his techy knowledge and facts. I miss his unending theories of the universe and the possibilities that lie ahead. His knowledge about pokemon and everything else there is to exist in his vast imagination.

I miss Paul. His obsession with toys and games. His evil scheme to save up for his new toy. Or book. Or comic. Whatever there is that would amuse him. I miss how he'd play Oomph songs for Bijo and I. How random our conversations were.

I miss Ben. His theories on life, God, and the afterlife. I miss his messy hair. I miss his artistic style. I miss how forgetful and confusing he could be. Benben. My bully buddy. Ben's being around and about, as Bijo told me.

...

Okay. EMO POST. COME ON.

Dota Clan. Chinese Society. Friends. I MISS YOU. D:

I miss you very badly. I WANT TO BE IN THE SAME CLASS WITH YOU GUYS AGAIN. :(

2009-06-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

HELLO, THESIS.

Yuh. I remember. I promised to love my thesis. To take care of my thesis. To have that till-death-do-us-part vow to my thesis. THESIS. It's sinking in more and more and more each day.

I need help.

If you have tattoos, or if you know someone who has tattoos, especially tattoos that have a really interesting story behind it, please contact me. (ym: regsulit, email: regsulit@rocketmail.com)

And if you're a photographer and you know how to deal with studio lights, PLEASE ADOPT ME FOR A FEW LESSONS. *cry*

THESIS.

2009-06-17T05:22:00.000-07:00

THIS IS IT. Thesis.

Today's my first AD5 meeting with my adviser, Ma'am Nady Nacario. Dundundunduuuuun. She asked us to have our topics written on a piece of paper for her approval. So there. I wrote Astrophotography, Lightning Photography and Animal Portraiture. She didn't pick anything. She said that Lightning photography was too broad and Astrophotography was not possible. She's right. How can I do a thesis on Astrophotography when it's raining and all. So I had to think of other topics I could do. She then mentioned about Advertising Photography and tying up with companies and do photography jobs for them. I wrote Advertising photography for Napoli Pizzeria and Creamline Ice Cream. But I still needed one more topic to suggest. I really didn't want to do food photography for my thesis. Then I remembered. The thesis I was planning to do since last semester. TATTOOS. A coffeetable book on tattoos and the stories behind them. I was actually scared to put in on my list of possible thesis titles, but I still did. I had to risk it. AND MY ADVISER PICKED IT.

OMG.

Thesis is sinking in now. Must contact Miah and the Sin City Tattoo shop ASAP.

ADVENCHURRRR.

2009-06-12T01:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Angel and Bombee's birthday. I was invited to both their parties. Fun. :3

Angel's surprise party

Original Plan:

11am. Meet at Trinoma. Have lunch and finish up Angel's surprise gift. A pop-up box with drawings of us inside.

2pm. Leave Trinoma.

3pm. Arrive at Angel's place. Ja will go up and leave the box on the Ramos' doorstep and knock, run down and hide with all of us.

What really happened:

I was talking to Colleen the night before. She said she didn't have anything to give to Angel. We planned to meet at Trinoma at 10am so she could buy a gift for Angel. We were going to meet up earlier too because we were planning to get pierced. I woke up at 8am to finish up my contribution to the surprise and got ready. I texted Colleen at 9:45 to ask where she is. She was still home. I told her that we'd meet up at 10:30 instead. I told her to text me when she's along West Ave. so I could start commuting. Ten minutes before 10:30, I asked where she is. She didn't know, but she said she thinks she's near. I texted Ja too to check where she was. She said she'll be arriving Trinoma in a few minutes, so I went ahead. (I'm sorry friends. I don't like waiting for people. XD)

I arrived at Trinoma (and the taxi driver was.. weird, anyway.) Met up with Ja at the foodcourt (Ja, siga as alaways.) We waited for the others. We ate lunch and waited some more. We started to work on the surprise, then this creepy guy who was walking by our table saw what we were doing, passed us, and came back to look. LOL. Great.

Ja began to feel tense. She really didn't like going behind schedule. We eventually finished the surprise, and left Trinoma before 3 (an hour behind plan. XD) We headed to Gateway to pick-up our callgay Hanna. (Bakla mo, Hanna. May pa-contacts-contacts ka pang nalalaman. At drama na scolio LOL)

Arrived at Angel's place. I lost track of time then. Ja and Edric went up to leave the surprise on Angel's doorstep. They knocked and ran down. Grabe, Angel. Ang tagal mo bago buksan yung pintuan at marealize na andito na kami.

Had fun. Loved the baked patatas. <3>

It was around 8:30 that Ja dropped us at the Ayala station. The line to buy passes was so long. We decided to just ride a bus. Mark, Aizel, Edric, Hanna, Stephen, Rusty and I went together. Colleen and Jay went to ride another bus. They were headed to Espana.

Yay. Second bus ride to somewhere.

Hanna went off at Megamall, Rusty at Cubao, and Stephen at Quezon Avenue.

Bombee didn't know Mark and Edric were with me. When we arrived as SM North, Edric accompanied Aizel to the FX line. Mark and I waited in line for a cab. Ang aarte ng mga drivers. Namimili. We eventually rode a cab to Bombee's village. Mark said I should go ahead of them and tell Bombee that there are guys on the corner that look scary. "Sabihin mo sinusutsutan ka. Siguradong susugod yun." I told that to Bombee. Di naman siya sumugod. XD I told Jihan that Mark and Edric were waiting. She dragged Bombee. Bombee said, "Alam ko na ata yung surprise mo. Malaking bolang maitim ba yan na may maingay na bibig? At baklang intsik?" LOL. That was around 10:30pm.

Hanged out at Bombee's place till 12:15 then my parents picked me up. Jihan went with us and we dropped her home. Jihan's scared of my dad. XD

There. Happy Birthday, guys. I hope you liked my gifts to youuuu~. <3

Sorry. No pictures. Was lazy to bring my camera with me.

Laugh. Laugh.

2009-06-07T23:49:00.000-07:00

I can laugh about it now. You've done a great deal of damage on me. But what you're doing isn't working the way it did, because I have my friends to help me realize that my life and happiness does not equate from what people do or say.

You don't even know me.

FRIENDS

2009-06-04T05:59:00.000-07:00

Mark. Ja. Angel. Esdi. Edric. Bombee. Jihan. Nica. Sir Vitug. Emman.

Thank you for being there.

Thank you for waking me up.

I won't go there anymore. Thank you. :)

DEAL.

2009-06-04T04:27:00.000-07:00

Nica. Aizel. Ja. Jihan.

We have a deal.

2009-05-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

Happiness, huh?

Good thing I have my friends around to save me and bring me back to sanity.

Thank you Nica, Jihan. Colleen. Esdi. Ja. Angel.

Thanks for that meal at Conti's. Pasta was yummy. Bananalicious cake was great.

The laughs are always great to have. Keeps me from breaking apart.

How you talk and joke about me. Thank you too. Keeps me sane and it makes me happy.

Thank you, friends. :)

One day I'll fly away.

2009-05-26T23:52:00.000-07:00

This will be a very random post. It's sooo hot today and I'm really, really bored.

My laptop's getting hot too. It's burning my thighs.

It's really lonely without Nica and the others around. They're still in Adtu's outing. Buti pa sila, masaya dun. Ako, alone dito. Boohoo. hahaha emo amputek.

Anyhoo. Found out that Youniverse is now directly linked in Facebook. I got another account from my facebook and I took the tests again. And the results aren't anything like what I had a few months back (when I was still together with Jason lulz.)

Okay. I'm really bored. Help me please. D:

Yay widgets.

Undo please.

2009-05-23T18:54:00.000-07:00

Went to Malolos, Bulacan yesterday. Dad's office had a summer outing at Paradise resort. They rented a pool for themselves. My sisters and I got to lap and now my legs hurt. I'm awfully out of shape and it's been years since I last swam and lapped. Fail. I don't know how to swim anymore. Undo please. I wish I continued swimming. But that's done.

Nica and I were still talking about my previous blog post. She once had a cheesy notebook that contained questions and.. stuff.

Nica. Tipo kong lalaki? Wala na, na-figure out na natin. Wag na tayo umasa. Tas nag joke ka pa na may secret spell yan na pag nalaman mo na kung ano yung tipo mo di na ma-u-undo.

Nica. Ang galing mo. LOLS

2009-05-22T06:32:00.000-07:00

Nica: haaaaay.. kay rj ka nalang. malapit ma sa inyo nakatira.

Me: HAHAHAHA tae di ko siya trip. tsaka may gelpren na yun. tae naman o.

Nica: ayaw mo yun lagi kayong naggguitar hero.

Me: TAE.

Nica: ay meron nga pala i forgot.

...

Nica: tae! ano bang type mo sa isang guy reg

Me: ... di consistent e.

Nica: physically at ung non physical

Me: tae nica. Sa dalawang ex ko at sa ngayon, walang consistent quality e. Parang nagcchange preferences ko over time. alsdjflaj malabo talaga ako.

Tae. Oo nga. Ano ba talaga tipo kong lalake? Nica naman binigyan mo pa ko ng pag-iisipan ngayon. Bat nga ba ganun. :\

Thesis~

2009-05-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

Screening and reservation of thesis advisers. Very tiring.

Bombee and Jihan went over early today. Hitched to UST. Arrived there at 7:30, I think. Screening time would start at 9am. And there's a long line already building up outside the college building when we got there. Met up with Aizel, Edric, Billie Jean, Colleen, and Rani. Ja and Rusty were already there when I arrived. Paul and Jerik arrived there at 6:30. The line started to build up at 5am. They said so. :\

Don't ask the details. Very tiring.

Got in a photo thesis class under Prof. Nady Nacario. Thank God. She was one of my choices (the other one Sir Ken Torres.) Sir Son screened me. He's scaring me a bit. He didn't say anything about my portfolio. He just asked what my topic would be, and bid me good luck after the "interview" process.

I'm officially a senior now. An academic year more and I'm officially unemployed.

Aaaanyway. Bombee, Jihan, Nica and Macci went over. Ate sushi and sashimi and maki for lunch. Played Guitar Hero (again and again) and Macci's first time was great. XD Jihan and Macci practiced Through The Fires And Flames on medium with me. Greaaaat. RJ went over too. fun fun.

Novena to St. Therese of the Child Jesus.

Lord God, you still love me. :) Thank you.

asdfasdfa

2009-05-16T09:29:00.000-07:00

Date today: May 16.

17, 18, 19, 20... 21!!!! 5 days to go until reservation for thesis advisers. And guess what. I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY PORTFOLIO YET HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

Plus, I heard that we have to submit proposals by friday. ;_;

Last week was very busy. So busy that I'm already forgetting what I did that week.

...

Oh, oh. Wednesday, Bombee and Jacqs dropped by. Inom. Yes. I'm starting to drink. And I don't think I'm allergic. Not anymore. hohoho. But I only drank a little. I have to get really, really better. I'm still coughing and my morning allergies are still here. Boo global warming. Boo.

Thursday. Oh. THE Thursday. Terrance and Paul told us that they'd treat us. So we met up at McDonald's Tomas Morato. The Mcdo with the HUUUUUUUUUGE French Fries design thingy. Bombee and Jihan picked me up. Yay. Along the way, we planned to watch Star Trek at Trinoma after the treat at Mcdo. We decided to take Pabs, Terrance and Paul along. But yeah. Paul and Terrance wanted us to go to the "seminar". We already told them that we weren't interested. Nagtampo ata sila. EWAN. BASTA. Ended up hanging out at Bombee's place till 7pm. Bombee dropped me off at home. Thanks, Bom. :D

Friday. Ja and Edric came over. We planned a photoshoot, but we ended up playing lots of Guitar Hero, Tekken and Naruto (while Edric was busy watching Boys over Flowers. GAY.) It was Ja's first time here. Fun fun fun. She left her watch. XD Why do people forget their stuff on the first time they come here? It's either that or it rains really hard. XD LULZ.

Saturday. Hmm. Went to hear mass. Ate dinner at Zenshou. ZOMG EAT-ALL-YOU-CAN JAPANESE. And it's waaaaaaaaay better than Saisaki. \o/ Then ate yogurt after that. Oh, I had a creative rush an hour before leaving for Mass. I had to sketch and start everything before I forget. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN THIS WAY? D:

Btw. I just realized something. How my memory works.

I can vividly remember memories that happened at least 5 years back, but I easily forget stuff that just happened. Fail. XD

dance

2009-05-12T01:38:00.000-07:00

I'm back home from my final check up. :)

Here's the deal. I'm fine for now, but I'm still a potential carrier of TB. If I get sick soon -- sick, as in fever, chills, loss of appetite, weight loss, and coughing -- I have to go back and have everything checked and have an xray taken. If I don't get sick, I have to go back after 3 months (August 8, 2009) and have my xray taken again to compare it with my xray now.

Anyway, I'm okay. I can still go to school. AND THESIS. XD

Mother's day || EVERYBODY IS SICK.

2009-05-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Went to hear mass at the PMIC. The one beside Bombee's house. XD The mass was incredibly quick. The homily was done in 5 minutes. LOLS

Anyway. I think Dad's sick too. He has an upset stomach and he feels weak. Mom's feeling weak too. GRAWR. What is happeniiiing. D:

My PPD test is turning purple. I guess it's because my skin's bruised from the needle. :\ No redness or anything, which I think is good.. I hope. :(

God. Please do not let me have TB or Tumors or whatever. CURE US PLEASE. D:

I want to do my thesis. :(

I never thought I'd want to do my thesis this much.

2009-05-09T05:40:00.000-07:00

Went back to get my 2nd xray results today. And there are still suspicious spots on my chest area.

The doctor requested a Mantoux screening test/ PPD (Purified Protein Derivative) test. It's a diagnostic test for tuberculosis. Click the link if you want to read more about it. Anyway, the results will show up in three days. I have to go back to the clinic on Tuesday to have it analyzed. But this test is done only to be sure. The doctor said that the spots on my lungs could be scars from past infections and diseases. I am asthmatic and I'm very prone to pulmonary/respiratory infections. I'm just hoping now that they're just scars.

If I turn out to be TB positive, I can't go outside the house for a month or two. But resevation for Thesis advisers are coming up. Enrollment is coming up. THESIS YEAR IS COMING UP. How can I stay inside, confined and all in a month if everything important is going to happen in a month? I CAN NOT AFFORD TO HAVE TUBERCULOSIS.

asdfkjalsdjfalsdjflaksjdflakjdfa

Aguy.

2009-05-08T08:28:00.000-07:00

Aguy.

Went back to the doctor today for her to examine my xray results.

And there's a possibility that I may have Tuberculosis. :|

It started as lumps on my neck that I soon discovered as Kulani. My lymph nodes are swollen up due to infection. Infection that we do not know what. I'm not having any colds or cough. So why they're swollen up, I do not know. The doctor was also suspecting Lymphatic Tuberculosis. And she said that if it doesn't disappear in a week, I'll have a biopsy.

Right.

So I went back.

My lymph nodes are a bit smaller compared to how they were two days ago. But the x-ray showed that I may have TB. ;_; nooo~

So the doctor requested another x-ray to be taken. D: Gah. Two x-rays in a week. She wanted to rule out Tuberculosis. I DO NOT WISH TO HAVE TB. But I saw the spots on my x-ray. I'll go back tomorrow to see the results.

Okay. TB is curable now. But it will take 6 months. At least six months. It's May now and thesis year is coming. I can still go to school but it depends on my condition. But still. It's going to eat up a lot of my dad's earnings. AND I'll be doing my thesis too. I do not wish to become a burden to this family. Come on. Please.

Call the doctor, very quick

2009-05-06T02:06:00.000-07:00

I went to a doctor today.

I recently discovered a new lump on my neck. It's on the right side, about an inch below my ear. I discovered the first one a few months ago, about February or March. My lymph nodes are swollen, and the doctor prescribed me with antibiotics that I would be taking for a week. Twice a day. Aside from that, I had my chest-neck xray taken too. The doctor wasn't sure if it's plain Kulani or if I have lymphatic TB. She said that if we won't find any improvement in a week, they'll have a biopsy operation on my neck to find out what this is.

So yeah, I'm sick again. I just hope I get well soon. I really don't want this to be cancerous or anything really serious.

PLURK IS JINXED

2009-05-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

May 4. Go to Trinoma at 12nn and meet up with Paul and Terens. Powerbooks Trinoma.

May 5. Lunch date with Brian Lee and Rosette.

May 6. Photoshoot with Ja and Edric. Paul also plans to come over and shoot too.

May 7. Lunch at Katips with Jihan and Bombee. I hope Nica comes too.

All the plans you see are posted on my Plurk.

Today is the 5th.

Yesterday, I met up with Paul and Terens at Trinoma. Went there at 12. Wandered in Powerbooks for a few minutes. Texted Paul because he wasn't there. HE WAS IN TOYS R US LOOKING AT TOYS. Terens texted. He just woke up. He arrived at 2. Paul got to pay for his downpayment on his Chris Redfield at TheaterWorx.

And today, all my plans are gone. The lunch we planned got moved to a dinner date instead. Rosette still had stuff to do today and she would be coming from the Chinese General Hospital. So we were supposed to meet at 8pm instead at SM The Block. Then dad said that we were going to go to his office later this afternoon. I had to cancel off the dinner date.

Tomorrow's photoshoot is cancelled too. Ja has to run errands for her Mom.

For Thursday's plans, well, I hope they're still on.

See. PLURK IS JINXED. DO NOT POST ANY OF YOUR PLANS AGAIN ON PLURK.

Or maybe I'm jinxed. :\

Hmm. Too Much Sugar.

2009-05-01T10:27:00.000-07:00

Today. I FINALLY WENT OUT TODAY!

Went to Taytay, Rizal this afternoon. Dad decided to have a surprise visit to the house and the caretakers. Thankfully, the weather was fair enough for me to take photos. I'll upload them after this weekend. I'll post photos of King (our dalmatian.) :3 I texted Hanna if she were home in Taytay, but no reply. Too bad. Wanted her to come over and make her my model. hohoho Evil plans. But she did not respond. rawr.

We went back home to pick up my sisters. We headed off to Trinoma. Dinner at BurgerKing. (I LOVE BurgerKing) and watched XMen Origins. Hooray Wolverine. But I think I took in too much sugar that evening. The sugar made me think of stuff during the movie. Like associating some of the scenes and moves to.. anime and movies. Or maybe because my sister was hyper too.

There's this scene in the forest with Sabertooth's claw marks on the tree. I was like, "TWILIGHT."

There's this scene in the alley, and I was like, "HARRY POTTER."

There's this battle scene, and I was like, "KAGEBUNSHIN. NARUTO."

Okay. I shall stop now. Sugar still not out of my system.

Okay. I seriously need to be sleeping nao. It's *checks the clock* 1AM. Have to wake up at 5. Dad planned a trip to Montalban, Rizal with Tito Thad, my sister's ninong who think I'm his godchild. coolnees. XD

Anyway. We're off to Montalban to hang out and swim. SWIM. FINALLY SOME VACATION. "VA-CA-TION." Right. I should sleep. I haven't fixed my things yet. GREAT.

Okay. Will go to bed.

...

OH OH OH. The big spiders are breeding again. I found one at the dining room when we got home. The big brown spiders that are really fast and when you approach them they will run at you and run after you. GREAT.

Okay. Goodnight.

Rain, Rain.

2009-04-29T21:54:00.000-07:00

I love the rain because it isn't so hot when it rains.

I love the rain because it's nice to sleep when it rains.

I love the rain because the plants are alive (whut?) when it rains.

But I don't like the rain now. It's been raining for the past I-don't-know-how-many weeks already. Come on heavens, please clear up during the night. Tomorrow at least, if we're going to Rizal for a swim. ;_; Let me start shooting my thesis nao, please. D:

So, it's been raining. And I'm stuck inside the house. I don't have any money. And I forgot that today is the 30th, and Ja and I were supposed to meet up at Trinoma. A movie date for the brokenhearted (NGEK!) and maybe a cup of coffee or two. Or ice cream. Whichever. Buuuut, it's raining, I don't have money, and I don't think our plan's going to push through. Better luck next time.

So, yes, I am stuck at home. I better make the best out of it. I'm going to log off after this blog entry. Will go make Egg Sandwich for Mom, and bake a cake or cookies or brownies after that.

My sister's boyfriend's coming over AGAIN. Not that I'm complaining, I hardly notice him when he's here. That's it, he doesn't converse much nor move around. He sits in one place, most of the time in front of the computer with my sister. All they do is play Pet Society on Facebook. No conversations (at least audible ones that I can comprehend). The helpers are teasing her behind her back. Turns out that she was teasing me and saying bad things about my ex. The helpers said Karma bit her now. (insert evil laugh here) Beaver. That what they called him during high school. And now the helpers are calling him Monggo. Short for Mongoloid. Mean. (insert evil laugh here)

(insert evil laugh here)

Ate can be cruel sometimes. A big bully. That's what she is. >:3

Okay. Ate's off to cook.

Rain rain rain.

2009-04-21T04:57:00.000-07:00

It's finally raining. <3

Monday~ Bombee, Jihan, Pabs and Terens came over. Ate maki and sushi and shanghai rolls and choco cappuccino mousse for lunch. Played Guitar Hero, a bit of Tekken and Naruto and Bust a Groove, and more Guitar Hero.

Naks. Fast learner raw si bombee. Nag-eexpert na.

RJ also dropped by to meet with Bombee.

Ate Pizza and Charlie Chan Pasta for mirienda. yum yum!

Why am I always hanging out with boys? I need to hang out with girls. :\

Anyway.

Nica didn't make it. She was doing something for her dad (I think.) And I was looking forward in hanging out with her. D: Sabi niya sa Thursday nalang bago siya umuwi galing sa sleepover/inuman nila.

Bombee! Inom samin a. :D Dito lang naman ako pinapayagan uminom. hahaha. Dun tayo sa garden sa tapat. :D

I've too anti-social here at home. I miss friends already. :\

Aizel and Edric were supposed to hang out with me today. But hell broke loose again. Bumaha dito sa bahay sa lakas ng ulan.

P.S. Di ako umiinom. Paunti unti lang ha. Pero nacucurious ako kung totoo bang dugo ng tatay ko ang dumadaloy sa mga ugat ko. Eww. Ayoko. Isa pa, baka mamatay nalang ako bigla hahahaha.

NICA. Do visit me. CHB. <3

Angel (Monzon)'s going to come over on Friday. We will be attempting to save her files from her mac. :\ Back up everything on my mac. I do hope we get it right. D:

Saturday is Shizen day. I WILL STALK ON HARD GAY PHP HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! HARD GAY WAFU HOOOOOOO!!!

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Hello Blogspot!

2009-04-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

Hello Blogspot. I'm here now because of Nica. Hooray.

I know, I know. I just created a newer blog in LiveJournal a few months ago. Its memories were too much of angst and anger and pain and sadness. It was supposed to be a happy blog, turned out a rant blog. hmu~. So here I am. Blogspot. Hi. Hello. Writing my first blog entry.

I know, it sucks. Forgive me.

So anyway. Over the past few days/weeks, I've been chatting with Nica and Jihan and a lot of adtu people. Mostly on Plurk tho. But Nica and I have been talking so much in Y!M. And it's fun. And happy. :D And joy. And joyness. XD lah. Nica's officially my CyberHyperBuddy and EurekaFriend. :D Fun fun fun.

Oh, which reminds me. They'll come over on Monday. :D Yay. Sushi and Sashimi and Lumpiang Shanghai and lots of ice cold Coca Cola. I hope it wouldn't be as hot as hell. :| I hope it rains. Rain real hard. Bring in the wind. Please? Because everytime people come over, it does rain. I wish it would on Monday.

Okay. Sabaw na. :\ My internet's dying on me again.

Hello again, sleepless night. Can you please give me back my sleep? :\

Why, why, why?

*rant*

HELLO BLOG. I AM ITCHING FOR A NEW TATTOO.

strange update

Guess what, I'M SICK AGAIN

Hello almost lover,

La-di-da productivity

Because I'm bored

YES

Bored.

When you're no longer a virgin.

Happiness.

ALL HAIL INK

Jay Tablante WORSHIP

My heart whispers again.

AUSFALLEN

WEIRD AND WONDERFUL

WHAT.

TINATAMAD AKO.

Today's update.

THESIS.

ADVENCHURRRR.

Laugh. Laugh.

FRIENDS

DEAL.

One day I'll fly away.

Undo please.

Nica. Ang galing mo. LOLS

Thesis~

asdfasdfa

*dance*

Mother's day || EVERYBODY IS SICK.

Aguy.

Call the doctor, very quick

PLURK IS JINXED

Hmm. Too Much Sugar.

Rain, Rain.

Rain rain rain.

Hello Blogspot!

rant

dance