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Hello. Welcome to my Happy Blog! I'm a Student - Visual Artist - Photographer. (And I'm dreaming to become a tattoo artist soon.)


WISHLIST ♥
MORE Tattoos
Tattoo machine (with power source.
Custom tattoo machine
My very own room!
SOMETHING REAL
My own studio.
New lens for my 50D.
WORLD PEACE LOL
Beats by Dr Dre ( I will forever love you if you'd give me one ♥ )
HAPPINESS
Snow Leopard upgrade
ZUNE
guitar hero buddy
Trip to Germany + ticket to Oomph's concert.
Trip to wherever Muse will play
WAVEBOARD
LUCK





Flickr, by yours truly.
dA, by yours truly.
Multiply, by yours truly.
Plurk, by yours truly.
Nica, teh CyberHyper Buddy.
Khan, teh Clone
Aiwa, teh Kulit.
Pabs, teh long lost friend.
E.mman, teh great illustrator.
Maria, teh vocalist and besfrond.


Bituwin - template
Dementee - image

Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

20100531
Guess what, I'M SICK AGAIN

So, yesterday I had my follow-up check-up with my favoritest favorite doctor. (She's all cute and bubbly and hyper. I like herrr. :3) Well, regarding my tonsils, turns out I need another week of antibiotics to clear up the remaining pus in my tonsils. Yuck, I know. How the hell that happened? Weather, pollution, and I don't know. Oh well. We have to take my tonsils out as soon as the infection clears up since it's pretty much recurring. The bacteria and virus could make its way down to my heart. Oh my poor heart, damaged by silly bacteria deciding to attack my tonsils. Really. I google-d everything up, and as my doctor told me, I could develop heart disease. As if random panic attacks and palpitations aren't enough. Really, I'm tired of being sick and unhealthy and weak. WEAK. :| *sigh*


So anyhoo, I'm excited. I wanna get my tonsils out and be better soon. Btw, the operation will be bloody. So I have to be ready for it. No more missing scheduled meds. No sweets for a month. Just water, water, and lots and lots of water. I'll be either at UST Hospital or Medical City (not sure which Medical City) prolly next week. I'll update after my third check-up.


This also means I can't go jobhunting yet. I have to get better before I look for jobs. :( Money. 

20100527
Hello almost lover,


There's nothing more left to do 
but to trust the unknown.

I am afraid.
I admit that I am incredibly terrified.
But what more can I do?
I have to let go.
I'll stay strong.

But I'm not leaving.

Not an inch. :)

20100526

A year ago, a girl fell in love with a boy.


They met randomly because of a common friend they both invited to a school event. How silly, that two total strangers would invite someone to the same event at almost the same time. The girl saw him for the first time in school and realized they were in a same class. 


She didn't know she was falling in love. It was just a silly crush, a silly infatuation, she thought. But then again, she couldn't stop. She was happy with just seeing him around and she entertained herself with just observing him. She was happy.


Her love grew and grew, until she didn't care about what others would think about the idea of her falling in love with him. She didn't care about what they said. She listened to what they had to say about him, but she really didn't care. She just listened because they were her friends. And maybe, she thought, they were right. But then again, she couldn't stop. She was really falling in love with him. And she didn't need any reason and thought that if there were a reason, then it wouldn't be loving at all. She was content with just watching him from afar.


Then they became closer, or at least so she thinks. Troubles arise, but still, her love never really stopped.


Stopping? Well, she did try once. There came someone else. He was younger. In fact, he was even physically closer, living a street away. A minute of walking and they were in front of each other's houses. It started with teasing from people around them. She thought that maybe if she diverted her attention, maybe the feeling she had for the boy she fell in love with would just cease to exist. 


A month or so passed. The girl and her neighbor grew closer. Random phone calls in the middle of the night that lasted hours and hours until the sun would rise and silly visits from the boy. She even tried to exert effort with giving the boy a simple gift. But then again, she still thought of the boy she wanted to stop loving. Eventually, she grew tired of this younger boy and she felt silly for even trying to forget about her love. 


Well, it's not like the girl and the boy she loved stopped talking. They still talked, but somehow, she felt, not as interestingly as they first did. She was afraid and she felt more stupid for even trying to forget about him and using someone to even forget him.


Of course, he knew she was in love with him. She was silly enough to tell him too early.


Time passed, she was enjoying his company. She started to miss him when she didn't see him around in school. Silly girl.


Silly girl. She tried to confront the boy about her feelings and how he felt for her. She didn't get any straight answer most of the time. She was starting to hurt, but she still didn't mind. She was content with just being around him.


Then they became good friends and soon, the boy told the girl that he loved him. Of course, she didn't take it seriously. She was afraid of the words and if they were even truth or lies. She was suddenly afraid of the words she wished she would hear from him. She was left too hurt and empty from her previous relationship that she was now confused. But she didn't mind it. She just enjoyed his company. 


She was happy, but still, tension seemed to find its way in the situation. But she still stayed content. She was happy when she could get to just see him around or hear his voice from afar. 


A year after they met, they had their first kiss.


That summer, the girl and the boy, together with their group of friends went somewhere to just have fun. She didn't plan to even come with them mainly because she was afraid to face him. Why? Well, she wasn't really sure about that. She was too in love that she was afraid of him. But still, a friend convinced her to go, and it was worth it. She was with her boy. Her boy, as she thought. She has never felt so happy to be with him like how they were that day. It was one of the days that she will never forget. She was genuinely happy. She was in love.


They were happy together, the boy even went to the girl's house to just hang out. She was happy. But she still thought of things that happened around the boy. She was still worried. She tried to talk to him again, and of course, there were no deal sealed. But still, she thought, they could be happy with how they were. 


Semi-boyfriend... That's what she called him.


Then came the skeptical friends. They didn't trust the boy. But the girl, being in love, defended the boy. She took all the blame because he loved the boy so much. She didn't want to stop.


All she ever wanted was for the boy to be okay, be it with or without her. 


Tough choice. With or without her. 


It was funny how the girl would be able to meet people who knew things about the boy's past. It was the universe's way of telling her the truth she wanted to know so badly. The truth the boy couldn't tell her. 


She then had the strength to confront the boy. 


He told her that he loved her. She was too in love. She didn't care about anyone else except for the boy. 


She was also hurt, but she didn't want to admit that. She wanted to be strong for her love. She didn't want to leave him, well, neither could she. 


At this very moment, the girl still loves him very much. And all she asks for is for him to be okay.




The girl just let go of her boy. There was never any deal sealed between them. They just loved each other, or so the girl thinks. But the girl would stick to that belief until the boy would decide who he would choose. 


She's hurting, very badly. But maybe this is the right thing to do. She has forgotten about herself, and she knows this would not do any good for her. She loves him very much, and all she wants is for the boy to be happy. Happiness without guilt or any more consequences. Even if he wouldn't choose her, if he were to be happy, then she believes she would be fine. 


For now, she can only try to remember every moment they shared, every "I love you" he whispered to her, and just dream of how it would might have been. Hoping for him to choose her would be too far-fetched. What would be a silly year compared to years and years of experience with someone else. Everything just coined up from a silly idea of the universe to bring two strangers together. 


I really don't know how to end this. The girl still hopes, but tries not to expect. She can only dream of being with her boy. It seems too impossible now. A dream. She can only smile from the silly idea of being with him. It may never happen again. She's too tired of giving him everything she could, but not get any assurance that he could be hers.


At least she tried. 




And maybe, probably, she'd do it all over again.








------


I'm sorry happy blog. I'm a little short of happiness at the moment. 

20100513
La-di-da productivity

Hideehooo.

It's so hot today (and for the past few idon'tknowhowlongit'sbeen. I can't seem to get anything done, even the morning jogs I swore to finally do every other day isn't... alsndflkajsdflak.


Ooooh lookit teh pretty night sky in Anvaya Cove. 
<3 

Anvaya Cove is the <3. I wanna go back there. ONE DAY. I SWEAR I WILL OWN A HOUSE THERE. 

Oh shoot, I really need a job. I don't have any moolah to spend for my social needs (i.e. meeting up with friends or eating out or shopping). 

What have I been up to lately? Well, I figured I am a major in housekeeping now. Wala kaming maid kaya ako nalang muna. Sana lang kasi sineswelduhan rin ako. IT IS SO NOT FAIR. :| On the brighter side, thank you, friends with cars, for existing. I went to Macci's place yesterday for a photoshoot with Ria (tangkad). Ooooh I had to wear heels just to not feel inferior. Ria, why are you so tall. xD AND DURING THE SHOOT YOU JUST HAD TO WEAR MY SHOES. Wala na, kawawa naman kami ni Macci (sorry Macci. <3)

Hello Ria & Macci. 
(Macci aka Reflector Girl. hee. <3)






RIA YOU ARE SO FIERCE. 
(This is how she makes love to the camera. lol lol)


20100510

Rain feels like a distant memory.


I just discovered that two of my three studio lights aren't working. Ffffffffffuuuuuuck. What do I tell my dad? :| I wasn't the one who broke it. I'm not sure who. What do I do? :(


On the brighter side, we went to Anvaya Cove this weekend. <3 heart. I SWEAR. ONE DAY I WILL HAVE A HOUSE THERE.


Wheee short entries. I'm going out again. Shoo me.